Wednesday, December 1, 2021

Living Life

Hello. 

It's me. I know it's been a LONG time and several immense life events have occurred since last I blogged. 

No time to recap the chaos of the past...three?!...years, but to summarize a tiny amount: I married my love in October 2020, moved with him to North Carolina and set up house, my beloved cat passed away this fall, and as of today I'm older than Anne Elliot in Jane Austen's Persuasion

That's pretty much the only milestone reference I could think of for 28. Oh well. 

So what better time to refocus and pick up some writing again? With how much of my life has been turned upside-down since 2019 (some good, some bad) I haven't been devoting as much time to the art of words and punctuation as I would like. Let's try to change that this year. 

Yesterday when my husband asked me how I felt about it being my birthday tomorrow, I said I was excited and that I've always gotten excited about turning a year older. 

His obvious question: Why? 

Me: Because it means I've been living life! 

Now, this was in passing conversation and I didn't put a lot of deep thought into my response, but today as I ponder memories of past birthdays and all that has happened in my life so far, I stand by that statement. I've been living, embracing new experiences, hopefully learning from my mistakes, and striving to grow in virtue, and I think it's worth celebrating the achievement of making it another year in this crazy world. 

A less poetic lens might admit that when you're the youngest child of five, you spend years aching to be older so your siblings will take you seriously. I guess that tendency never quite wears off either ;) 

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all." ~Oscar Wilde 


Monday, December 31, 2018

The Synopsis of a Year

"For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning." 
~T.S. Eliot (Little Gidding) 

January 
During the cold, quiet month of January I spent my time practicing guitar, sewing, taking a modern dance class, and beginning a course of self-driven study of history and classic literature. Outstanding activities included a winter formal and volunteering with the homeless. Meanwhile my mother travelled to the Holy Land!

February
Fell in love with playing "Perfect" on piano, arranged by the Piano Guys. Attended a Valentine's Tea Party with Jane Austen teas. Took lots of Instagram pictures, made a floral skirt, worked out consistently, and started treating my hair to get it back to it's natural color. 

March
Enjoyed a weekend visit from my mom wherein we began re-decorating my apartment. Participated in Middle Earth March, taking an LOTR themed picture nearly every day. Did an escape room, had another epic Lent and Holy Week at church, and started wearing pineapple pjs. 

April
Became obsessed with "The Greatest Showman" and participated in the ballet, Cinderella (we're talking almost daily rehearsals here). Attempted a poetry study with my mother. 

May
Took a weekend venture home, then had a visit at my apartment from the Aged P's (my parents) for a birding trip that involved both brothers. Attended a barn dance, got back into running, and welcomed my sister Trudi for another weekend visit involving hiking and shopping and lots of coffee. 

June
Experienced my car breaking down in rush hour traffic and lived. Played for a wedding, sang for an ordination, performed in The Little Mermaid musical, enjoyed a visit from a dear friend, and began rehearsing for my second summer musical and third overlapping production in a row. 

July
Performed as Minnie Fay in Hello Dolly, which involved MANY long rehearsals and a radio interview. Meanwhile, I helped host my friend's bridal shower, partially hosted my sister and her family for their week-long summer vacation involving concerts and plays, took a day-trip to visit two dear college friends, and began teaching piano lessons. 

August
Snuck in a few Shakespeare plays before going home for a much-needed vacation, where I enjoyed a Jane Austen-themed photoshoot with my sister. Did more decorating in my apartment, played piano for a wedding, and attended an outdoor swing-dance.

September
Tap classes started, book club resumed, attended a young alumni college reunion, made cheesecake, went to a town street dance with a live jazz band, and was thrilled to witness my dear friend getting married. 
October
Mom came for another visit on a busy weekend involving dance classes and me playing for another wedding. Went to see a friend in Seussical, attended a Halloween party as a pirate, went to another friend's wedding, and wrote multiple essays in an attempt to expand my future prospects. 

November
First attempt at NaNoWriMo, made it almost half-way through the challenge! The month simply got too busy with piano lessons and tap classes and choir rehearsals and Christmas planning and traveling home for a big family Thanksgiving party to keep it up. 

December
Celebrated a quarter-century with dinner and dancing with friends in the midst of a snowstorm. Got to see a Lindsey Stirling concert!! Took on extra challenges at work by coordinating a minister retreat amidst Christmas choir rehearsals and other preparations. Drove to see a friend in Fiddler on the Roof, hosted my parents for a weekend while battling a sinus infection, worked overtime to get the church decorated for Christmas, and planned a Lord of the Rings-themed party for my family. 

As I review the year, it seems clear that I have great difficulty in choosing just one thing to focus on, I take on more than I should be able to handle with sanity, and I must enjoy every bit of the crazy as I keep taking more on. Looking forward to what adventures, chaos, and joy the new year will bring! 

"Be at war with your vices, 
at peace with your neighbors, 
and let every new year find you a better man." 
~Benjamin Franklin

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Passing Shadow

“There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tor high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach.” ~J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King

Taking the words from my diary after watching “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy directed by Peter Jackson over the weekend, my feelings were thus:

“Just finished watching ‘The Lord of the Rings’. Again. Those movies still grip my heart and shred it to pieces.”

This latest viewing of my second-favorite story of all time was one of the more profound experiences that I have had with the world of Middle Earth. Challenging myself to watch the characters’ eyes (I tend to watch jaw/mouth movement more than keeping track of those fascinating windows to the soul, so this was an opportunity to practice better habits) I found myself analyzing the characters more deeply than I might have otherwise. Some new perspectives were formed, and as tears escaped my eyes at multiple poignant moments, I felt a profound gratitude for the lessons and examples of beauty and sacrifice that have been so formative in my life. Tolkien’s genius is complex; a multi-faceted gem that bears examination from numerous angles.

In recent weeks I have felt drawn to a deeper study of my faith. Driven by a desire to learn more accurately the intricacies of the Catholic faith I profess, to devote more effort and humility to my journey of prayer, and to open my heart to notice and act on the possibilities to do good in the world around me. Perhaps because of this recent fascination, I had an idea while watching LOTR that each character, though not an allegorical parallel to any specific figures in Catholicism or history, has as a fundamental drive in their character a single characteristic representative of the human and divine love of Jesus Christ.

Sound a little far-fetched? Allow me to explain myself.

Let’s look at Frodo, as perhaps the most obvious example. Caught up in a situation beyond his control, he takes the burden of the ring upon himself, determined to destroy evil for the salvation of Middle Earth even at the expense of himself.
If this doesn’t make you think of Jesus becoming human, dying to save us from our sins  and destroying death forever, then I’m not sure what will. To clarify, however, I do not see Frodo as a completely Christ-like figure; rather, he possesses this one anomalous trait of seemingly divine quality, while the rest of his character displays flaws that are more relatable.

Another principle character that deserves recognition is Aragorn, the lost king who struggles to accept his inheritance and role of leadership. While we could delve into his intense humility being a type of pride, but I want to focus on the part where he embraces his role as king: he returns to Gondor first as a healer, (something only seen in a tiny scene in the extended DVD) an ancient prophecy that he fulfills. Aragorn heals the wounded and calls them back to life. The white tree, the tree of the king that represents the life of the kingdom, blooms upon his return. Yes, Aragorn leads armies and fights literal battles, but it is in his role of reestablishing a kingdom, rebuilding a world of hope and peace, that I see the most profound element reminiscent of Christ.

Gandalf is another obvious example of Christ-like peculiarity: he dies and comes back to life, glorified and more powerful than before! Constantly sharing wisdom, speaking in “riddles” (as Jesus was prone to speak in parables?), he guides his followers with the assurance of one who seeks their good and the good of the world.

Sam. My dear Sam. When Sam musters the last of his strength to carry Frodo up Mount Doom, I was reminded of Jesus asking us to cast our burdens upon him: “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
And remember the “Footprints in the Sand” poem, where in a beautiful reflection Jesus is written to say “When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you.”?
Just as Sam is constantly loyal to Frodo and helps him on his quest no matter how many times Frodo pushes him away, Jesus never ceases to love us and take our trials on himself, carrying our burdens and showing a fierce determination to see us through no matter how often we try to reject him. He remains steadfast and true.

Of course there are so many characters, and I think I could continue this analysis with all of them, but I’ll just settle with those four heroes for now. The next question is what are they all fighting against? Or what are they all fighting for?

“But in the end, it’s only a passing thing…this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer.” ~J.R.R. Tolkien, The Two Towers.

What is the “shadow”? While seemingly the villain in the story is the One Ring, or perhaps Sauron and his minions, I think it’s deeper than that. Multiple times the “shadow” alone is referenced as something to combat, whether physically as represented by the evil forces in the world or mentally as an attack on ones ability to hope and stay focused on what is good and pure.

“Home is behind, the world ahead,
and there are many paths to tread
through shadows to the edge of night,
until the stars are all alight.” 
~J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Perhaps the shadow is not one person or being, but rather the presence of evil itself. Evil can present itself in many forms: through Sauron, the ring, even ones own desires and temptations. It is the decision of heroes to fight against this shadow, this evil, and maintain the hope that good exists and is always worth defending.

“Above all shadows rides the Sun
And Stars for ever dwell:
I will not say the Day is done, 
Nor bid the Stars farewell.”
 ~J.R.R. Tolkien